I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
