If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can text with my tongue
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
