My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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