You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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