I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
