I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
