I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
