ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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