Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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