First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
