1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
BRING THE BAGELS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
