moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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