I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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