just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
