who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
