Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
