Umm I'm too high to move.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
