I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
