when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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