Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
