So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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