Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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