So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
