Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
