well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
