btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
