it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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