Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
