$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
