You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
