I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
