Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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