What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
