I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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