Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
