I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
