is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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