he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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