once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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