I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it hurts more in the daytime
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
