Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you will always have a special place in my vag
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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