There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
