you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
