I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
