I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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