You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
