you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
