half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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