she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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