i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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